Chubby Checker

While talking to my sister about our chubby issues, I realized that the chubby issues of an adult woman (especially this adult woman who’s already 2 kids in), isn't a chub sprouted from the seeds of laziness or ineffective exercise.  Hell, you are up  around 5:30 am every day, running to the park, running to work, running to the store, running to the gym, running to clean up mystery liquids in the children’s bedroom….a good portion of your day is spent on your feet doing everything that Dr. Oz and them say should effectively remove chub from your life.  So why is Chub’s ass still lingering around?

My personal trainer friends claim this all starts in the kitchen.  But after you’ve sweet potatoed and bake chickened yourself into the ground, Chub laughs and has the nerve to invite his friends Stretch Mark and Cellulite over as his guests of honor.  In my battle against this jerk, and the weird places on my body he refuses to let go of, I looked up “Mommy Makeovers” just to see if a surgical solution may be my answer.  It wasn’t. 

Mommy Makeovers target areas of your body that are DESTROYED after having children.  For example, those boobies that once looked like farm fresh melons now resemble the jugs of a Lulua fertility statue due to breast feeding or  your tummy that now looks like a jaguar jumped out of a tree and took three or four slashes at you will (with the help of surgery) magically be fixed to your early 20 something hottie self.  Said surgeries require some serious cutting, lifting, squeezing, tucking, stuffing and remolding….this is not an episode of Love It or List It we are talking about, this is your one and only body going through this and I openly admit, I am a punk.  I am not about that life.

Although I must say, I haven’t completely ruled out the mommy makeover, I haven’t given up “cleaner” eating and exercise just yet.  I will say that in addition to a consistently active lifestyle and healthier more frequent meals, the key to banishing Chub is making more time for self.  As you cross the burning sands into 30-dom, work, friends, family, even your aspirations and dreams all pull you into directions that are physically impossible to manage.  This I believe manifests into psychological stress that makes chub feel welcome to intrude in places he’s never been invited to before. In my new crusade against joy stealing self-consciousness and a deep desire to fit into these fabulous jeans I only wore once, I vow, to get more sleep, take everyone up on their offers to keep the boys, and say no to offers or requests that will overwhelm my schedule and eventually me, while focusing on being healthy instead of being 20 again. 

In the mean and between time, I will love my deflated breasts (a good bra fixes all of that anyways), my scarred pooched stomach and even  Chub (yes you).  At the end of the day, my sexy may not be what I remember it to be, but it’s still sexy, maybe even sexier than sexy….it’s me.